NerDemption

*Note: So this is an article I published on a now-defunct blog a few years ago... so some of the assertions on specific shows may be a bit dated, but the principles still stand!   There's a lot that goes into a show. Some of it is fantastic and makes your eyes light up every time someone mentions the title. Some of it is regrettable and makes you grimace when someone mentions it. Sometimes, a show just takes a while to "get its feet under it," so to speak. Sometimes a show starts out strong and then fails so hard you are left wondering, "What did I ever see in this show?" Some shows are fascinating from the outset; other shows, you couldn't care less about the characters and the outcome. So what makes the difference? What is it about shows that make you roll your eyes and cringe? What do your favorite shows get right that keep you so attached to every level of the story arc? Here are at least five key features of each sort... at least, as fa...

  (Parody of Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night") There are troopers on patrol, Folks imprisoned in the hull, Man I just got this disguise, Helmet covers up my eyes; Got the Death Star on the move, Got Lord Vader in a mood, Don't know how we got this far; That a droid or just a guard? Princess Leia's trapped and the comm's been tapped, We're screwed—oh well! Better shed that suit, Take the garbage chute, Look out now! (Frell!) With Rebel might— Yeah, we nicked the Empire's plans, Took them right out of their hands, Think that no one understands With Rebel might— Yeah we risked a lot to win, Till Destroyers took us in, Then we slipped them out again That Rebel night— Couple droids escaped the ship, Vader didn't see them skip, So they took a little trip Into the night— Met a simple farming boy, Picked them up to help with chores, Till he learned about the Force!...

We know the place To build our fortresses on Minecraft; Know how to ford That crazy river on a wood raft! Sneaking through the streets, Of ancient Venice, so discreetly— Break everything, For coins and bonus points and XP! We can play all your games, We've got skills and mad dexterity! Once you play against us, You'll be finding out— Oh! Oooooooh! [Chorus] Geeky Gamer Girls We're so adorkable! Jeans and Firefly t-shirts on top! Smart and brainy-fun We'll solve your paradox! Ooooh! Oh Ooooooh! Nerdy Gamer Girls We love our fanfiction! 8-bit consoles, Zelda and Link! LARP-ing, memes, oh yeah! We rule the fandom! Ooooooh! Oh! Ooooooh! We binge on The Guild, While waiting for a game on Halo; We'll save Princess Peach, With pals like Donkey Kong and Mario! The Room is so still, You can hear my Kingdom Heart beat! We know the best guns, For fighting mutant Nazi Zombies! We...

(A Parody on Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl".... if you didn't guess that already...) This was never the way I planned, Not my intention; You ticked me off, I couldn't stand your gross pretension! This life's not what I'm used to, why am I to blame? You're so scruffy I just thought it would be the same— So I kissed a Wookie, did I like it? A bit furry, but I don't mind it! I kissed a Wookie, so what? You're mad cause he's your co-pilot! It wasn't love It was more like spite, Doesn't mean I'll forget our fight! I kissed a Wookie, instead of you—Nerf-Herder! You think this daredevil facade Makes you attractive? Man, I wish that you had left me a captive! Is your strength really just for show, Don't you hate going Solo? Maybe if you could stop, and see Reality— I kissed a Wookie, I tried it! Just testing your reaction! I kissed a Wookie, but honestly, ...

The scene pans out as the character dies, Not a glimmer of hope to be seen-- Unless the show is cancelled, these frequent fake-outs are routine; I'm forced to linger with this swirling storm inside-- I can't help myself, heaven knows I've tried... Don't get attached, just let them go— For heaven's sake, it's just a show! They're actors, paid to make a scene— But they're real to me!!!!! Let it out! Let it out! Can't hold it in any more! Let it out! Let it out! I don't have to be so sore! I don't care what the networks have in store! Let the show move on! The feels never bothered me anyway! It's funny how good scripting Can make me feel so strong! It's sheer manipulation, And it's why I wrote this song! It's time to realize my feels, I've reached the limit, I can't deal! You've killed him off, just for the views— I feel so used! Let it out...